Paradoxical

I was in the city over the (last) weekend, which meant that although I have an on-going resolution to not buy any books until I've cleared my still-unread book stack, this was an exception. A big exception! But an exception all the same because I rarely go into the city, so I got a whole bag of books that I will rotate in reading with the still-unread book stack, and one day, maybe, I will clear all of them.

Rick Astley's recent autobiography Never was not on my to-read list, but I picked it up on a whim, and as soon as I got home, apparently it was the one I was most excited about starting, so I did. I think because I'd recently enjoyed his cover of Chappell Roan's "Pink Pony Club", plus Dave Grohl mentioned him in his autobiography when I read it (and had to dig it up to reread his version of the same meeting that Astley mentions in his book).

So like, comparing to the handful of other musician autobiographies I've read (specifically: Dave Grohl, Bruce Springsteen, Tina Turner and Phil Collins), Astley's is very different in the sense that he really is Just Some Dude. He loves music and loves making music, but he isn't POSSESSED by the urge to make&perform music the way that's very clear for those other musicians I've mentioned, and since he got swept up in the commercial music-making machine when he was young (not very young, but young enough), he didn't get to cut his teeth performing on the circuit and figure out his own strengths. All musicians may be limited by commercial interests, but it seems to me that a consequence of that, plus the lack of a mentor, Astley didn't get much of a voice of his own that first time round as he exploded as a pop star, which gave a specific kind of hit to his confidence and perception of self (which isn't imposter syndrome, but something else). Boy was convinced most of the "genuine" musicians around him hated and/or wanted nothing to do with him, despite being proven wrong again and again.

By Astley's own admission he feels that he doesn't "deserve" to write an autobiog because he doesn't have that much music out, but that's just not true, man. His experiences are fascinating because it really is a case of luck coming in to revive his career (he had juuuuust the amount of psychological understanding of the Rickroll to, uh, roll with it, which took off after he dipped his toes back into the industry), and although he can't go back to the heights of the 80s, his second go-round has been firmly on his own terms and been so much more freeing for him to express himself, through writing and producing his own music, performing as a drummer again in his punk band, and embracing nostalgia performances. Which is neat! And reading about that is also neat.

Though also reading about the 80s pop machine from someone who lived it is also super neat and actually terrifying, which is the meat of the book. He's really lucky in that he got out of it relatively unscathed (which he's well-aware of) and that glimpse into how easy it is for a sheltered person to be dumped into a world you don't understand and be taken advantage of because you just don't know any better and don't even know you can say no to things -- it's a tale as old as time, but still good to read the someone's actual lived experience in a specific place and time period.

While reading the book, I listened to some of his newer tracks, and I quite like some of 'em! Most of them recorded at home and with him performing all the instruments, even.

Another weathered book from the back of the unread books drawer, and not very thick, so it's a light read I finished pretty much over a weekend I was away from home. John Michael Greer's Apocalypse: A History of the End of Time follows the history of what he describes as "the apocalypse meme" (the book was published in 2012), as in the infectious idea of the apocalypse, which Greer argues originated proper by Zarathustra, by adding the idea of "An End" to the understanding of the the cyclical nature of the seasons, years, and cosmic movements.

Very fun read, as Greer goes all the way from Zoroastrianism to the 2012 Mayan calendar scare (that really was everywhere for a hot minute), covering various famous and some less-famous (to me) apocalyptic movements in history, including Millerism, Heaven's Gate, Y2K, Kurzweil's Singularity (is that tied to the current AI movement? I should look it up). Though because Greer gave good early depth to apocalyptic concepts as developed by post-Babylon exile Judaism and later New Kingdom Christianity, I thought he would do the same for Islam and other Eastern beliefs but uhhhhh no, the book is Western-centric, I don't know why I keep playing myself.

But still a good, brisk read, and I do like that he explores exactly (though not too deeply) what it is about the apocalyptic meme that attracts people so, with the promise of justice in an unfair world, and being able to let all of your problems go to the promise that it will all be resolved by someone who is not me/you/us. And with that note he ends quite critical of that, by arguing that we need to help each other and protect each other, which is difficult work but necessary every day.