paradox | Re: our discussion about assault prevention tips (Reply)

Dear K,

Following our chat the other night about the reversed list of sexual assault prevention tips, please read the following snippet from another feminist:

We often see articles telling women that they need to be careful to not drink too heavily, or wear anything too revealing, or go out too late at night, otherwise they risk being raped. We hear people saying that abused women are to blame because they don’t leave. We see articles telling women that they can’t “have it all,” and must “choose” between a career and parenting. We hear that women need to “grow a thicker skin,” “toughen up” and “be one of the boys” to get ahead in the workplace.

Of course feminists realize that, actually, men need to stop raping and abusing women, job opportunities need to be more accommodating to parents and men need to become more involved in parenting roles, and employers need to stop condoning sexual harassment and start treating women as equal workers. But sadly, our mainstream media and culture don’t see that. And we’ve all bemoaned how frustrating that can be.

What all of these examples have in common is that they assume women are the problem. They assume that we need to adapt to the patriarchal structure, rather than admitting that the structure itself needs to evolve (hell, be removed) in order to create any opportunity for true equality. They say that sure, society will accept women as equals . . . as long as they sufficiently and quietly adapt to a system that was deliberately designed to exclude them.